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Sex Talk: We all love a good surprise

Something that has been ruined by many in marriage, is surprises.

Some of us could have grown up in environments that did not favour understanding the depth of love. A cold or abusive father; a conservative mother; parents that did not communicate… as such we never surprise our spouses in a positive way. All we do is shock them with negative occurrences.

A simple call in the middle of the day just to say, “I love you”, will help break the routine calls asking for money from your husband and help him feel less of an ATM machine. Turning up at her place of work with her favourite take-out meal will soften your landing ground for other ‘meals’ when you next meet again.

Unfortunately, even the way we respond to beautiful surprises by our spouses leaves a lot to be desired. But surprises are a good way to make people feel loved. Imagine you waking up your wife with a tray of a savoury breakfast made by you! No, it is not a ‘White people thing’, come on!

The things that make a lot of emotional sense are not always expensive. All it takes is adding some extra effort to your usual. If you are the late-night type, that day you return unexpectedly early is a good surprise if you also carry along a small playful gift.

Everyone deserves to be loved visibly and audibly, no matter what. It is what makes the sex also meaningful and enjoyable. It does not just come out of the blue. If your spouse is constantly the one doing all the work in the “surprise” department, join in, instead of criticizing them for liking things from utopia.

A wife once decided to surprise her husband on his birthday. She enlisted the help of their teenage children – it was a detailed plan. Husband came home to a well-dressed family all waiting to sing him a happy birthday song, which they did. The wife then announced that the family would dine out to celebrate “daddy”.

Guess what! Daddy did not find that exciting at all. He said he was tired and would rather spend the evening at home. The wife begged him to accept the invite to the point of tears, but he was adamant.

Reservations had already been made! There was a saxophonist waiting to add colour to the event, but the mugole was not in the mood. He probably was in the ‘other’ mood later that night, not realizing he had effectively switched off his wife’s own mood with his grumpiness.

It takes effort to surprise a person; do not pour cold water on it. If she calls to say she misses you, be sweet in your response; don’t respond with: “Haa, Carol sirina sente, ndeka! (Carol I don’t have money, drop it)”.

Your wife will most likely surprise you at that time of her cycle when she is ovulating and every cell in her body is screaming for sex; it could be her way of initiating the lovemaking. And just like that, you squander it.

You will be surprised how those small surprises improve your marriage and ultimately your sex life. If you paid some attention, you would quickly learn the kind of person you are married to and that will give you clues of how to make them feel special when they least expect it.
Some wives are never introduced in public and some sit away from their husbands, even at important functions.

The day you stand up to speak and begin by introducing her in a loving and pleasant manner could render a surprise and redeem your marriage that could even be on the verge of breaking down.


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