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Sex Talk: Have you warmed that oven first?

Why should the high expectations always be on the man to bring pleasure to the sex?

What then, does the woman do? A male colleague at work recently asked me after reading the column. Other men in the room quickly chorused their approval of his complaint, but then I told them, women are like electric ovens, while men are basic switches.

They seemed to vehemently disagree; so, I qualified it: “Unless that switch is broken; otherwise, when it comes to sex, a healthy man should be able to flick his libido on with only slight seduction.” Or even just imagination.

As they mulled over that one, I started on the analogy of the cooking oven. It can be very frustrating trying to get anything to cook in the oven, if you place the food in the oven at the exact time as you switch it on. Unless you are just a poor cook. In which case, after the 10-minute timer goes off, you will check the oven and find that it was just getting warm…. Yet here you are, thinking you have cooked a lovely meal. Wapi!

Anyone who knows their way around the kitchen will inform you that unless yours is a gas oven – not so common, just like the women whose libidos need no fanning whatsoever – the cooking instructions require you to heat the empty oven to a required temperature for some minutes, before you insert any food into it.

And only when you put food in the pre-heated oven can you set the timer and consider yourself to be ‘now cooking’. And when you open it again once the timer goes off, you will encounter a golden dish and the oven can finally commence cooling down.

What happens in many marriages, men enter the ‘kitchen’ and immediately throw their food into the oven, then turn the switch on and start their count-down.

When they check after a few minutes, there lies their uncooked food; nothing to write home about. How then, can you blame that food for being tasteless?

Is it the oven’s fault or is it the cook’s fault? Did that cook even read the user’s manual when he first acquired the oven, or he thought, “Surely, cooking can’t be rocket science; you put food in here, switch on the device, then wait for the praises about your cooking!”

Hmmm. Have I heard someone say they use the microwave? Well, even the microwave is best at perfecting pre-cooked meals, leftovers, or pre-processed foods.

So, true, a couple may have spent the day apart but in sultry communication and quiet simmering that can very well count as foreplay (warming the oven), to the point that when they reunite after a work day, sparks are already flying and a meal can be quickly whipped up in the microwave.

But elaborate meals will require you to use the cooker, my friend. And many of your wives will tell you they love your elaborate meals, as long as you warm their ovens first! You don’t just toss the bun in the oven when you have no idea how to bake.

I am not simply scoring for the women all the time; I just know that for many African marriages if the foreplay issue is learnt and sorted, there shall be mutual enjoyment of sex and these other issues that ruin most marriages shall not arise. Why, for example, are you warming all the neighbourhood ovens when you have failed to operate your own cooker at home? Anyway, there.

caronakazibwe@gmail.com

Comments   

+1 #1 Morris Ogik 2024-06-11 11:33
I liked the discussion.
Simply Exquisite.
MO
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